i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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