My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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