I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
