We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
