She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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