I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
