Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
