Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
