he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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