taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
