I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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