cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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