My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We are two peas in an std pod
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i think my cat just said my name.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
