Who wears a wallet chain?!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
