Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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