The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
