Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
