3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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