I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
