girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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