Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
