he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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