She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
