we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
