Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
