My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
