I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
