Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize