Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My ATM looks so different sober.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
