you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
