i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
