just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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