Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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