this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
