you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
