Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
