God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
is it fun? or sober?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
