think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
