So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
