dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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