i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
