My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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