if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
