saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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