He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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