I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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