tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
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ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
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On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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