i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
