just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
