I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
