the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
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She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
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that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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