Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
