Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
