it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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