Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
