the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
