I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
