what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
