$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
