You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
