I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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