Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
