I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
