dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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